Lies Destroy Your Foundation of Trust

Lies are like mold, and trying to rebuild your marriage on a foundation of lies and lack of integrity or past deceit is like laying down new tile atop moldy wooden floors. Lies destroy a marriage’s foundation of trust because just like mold, if the lies are not dismantled or treated (addressed) immediately, the one who has been betrayed will generally not trust their spouse from that point on. If they are not addressed and cleared up each time the mold resurfaces or questions arise, the foundation of trust will crumble to pieces. Lies and past deceit have to be eliminated!  Integrity must be reestablished as your foundation with solid reassurances and new behaviors to support your reassurances before you can proceed in renovating your marriage or it will rot from the foundation~ inside-out ~ due to lack of trust! Then, you will have to strip off the new tile to go back and address those old floors underneath. In these extreme cases, the unsalvageable floor has to destroyed and a new floor has to be built in its place. That means, the spouse who created the doubt, the mold, must replace the conduct that is impeding the progression of their marriage restoration and install new, Spirit-led behaviors for a sound, secure foundation of trust!  Better to take care of trust issues immediately so you don’t have to keep going back and addressing the old stuff that’s hidden and simply covered up. Amen!
~Cassandra ♡
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Healing After Adultery

Adultery is an extremely hurtful act that is committed against God and that person’s spouse. When a person learns that their spouse has been cheating, it can be a devastating blow because trust has been broken. There is hope after adultery! God will help heal the brokenness and teaches us to forgive. Should the couple decide to repair their marriage, that is another work of healing in itself. Forgiveness and trust are two separate mountains. The golden bridge that connects them is 100% transparency. It is a bridge made of truth and answered questions and concerns. It is the responsibility of the adulterer to have an open dialogue with their spouse and answer all of their questions–each and every one–no.matter how repetitive or ridiculous they may seem. The bridge between forgiveness and trust is rebuilt with rung by rung. Truth by truth.
There is a misconception that when the hurt spouse forgives, trust returns automatically. The assumption is that he/she will simply allow the issue of their partner’s adultery to die down and simply move on. Adultery is not to be swept under the rug.
When a baby cries because he/she is hungry, sleepy, or uncomfortable,its cries are loud and alarming! The parents are alerted by the cries to attend to the baby’s needs.
The cries of a person who has been cheated on are of importance too! The person who cheated must put their spouse’s needs first and they cannot do that by giving him/her a pacifier! They cannot just provide–dead end, vague answers to protect themselves– a substitute for honest dialogue and expect their spouse to suck it up and let it go. They must be prepared to go through the pain and hear how their adultery has caused their spouse pain. The only way through the pain is to go through it. The pain cannot be silenced or ignored. If you are experiencing adultery in your marriage, there is hope for you! Trust can be rebuilt, but it is not rebuilt simply with forgiveness. Forgiveness is the first step. Trust is something altogether separate and is rebuilt by bringing everything that was in darkness into the light–every secret, your motives, intentions, and everything each partner needs to know to be at peace. This transparent “open door” dialogue, which means that no matter when a question arises,it is answered, is what has helped my husband and I repair our bridge of trust within our marriage.
Thanks for reading! May God be your hope in your marriage and everything you go through in life!  God bless,
Cassandra Salamone :+)