Marriage Manna: Immoral Seductresses

Today’s Marriage Manna takes an up-close look at the dirty facts about the immoral seductress and the fate of the man who falls for an adulterous lifestyle. Sometimes things look and feel better when they are enjoyed in the dark–in secret. That is one of the deceptive appeals of adultery, but we have God’s Word to shed a bright light on this lie so we may understand exactly how unappealing and destructive adultery truly is.
Read on in Proverbs 5:1-6 the Message version:
” Dear friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen very closely to the way I see it.
Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense; what I tell you will keep you out of trouble.
^3-6 The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth.
But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.
She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death; she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her.
She hasn’t a clue about Real Life,
about who she is or where she’s going.”
God warns that the immoral seductress knows exactly what to say to satisfy a man’s ego. She knows what to say to make him feel good! Like he can do no wrong! If he goes on in adultery with her. If he cheats, after a time, he will regret knowing her. He won’t even want to speak her name and she will make him sick to his stomach! She will bruise his heart and cause it to be a confused tangled mess of emotions. She’s dancing and seems like she knows who she is and where she is going in life, but she has no clue! The only place she’s leading the poor fool who dances with her in the dark is to Hell!!!
In verses grouped 7-14, Proverbs continues:
“So, my friend, listen closely;
don’t treat my words casually.
Keep your distance from such a woman; absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don’t want to squander your wonderful life, to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.”
Stay away from any woman who wants form an intimate relationship with you, men!!! Don’t go into neighborhood, not even a step or to drive through! Why waste your life on someone so hard of heart that she doesn’t even care about your other hall’s feelings–your wife’s? Any woman with a good heart doesn’t want to make another woman’s heart hurt by wrecking her marriage!

Proverbs has an abundance of manna concerning cheating, but one thing that strikes me the most is a deceptive lure of adultery and the consequence for the man who falls for that lure and into sin.

Lure of Adultery
Proverbs 9:17:
” “Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!” ”
The lure for the immoral seductress is that in her own lack, she can steal someone else’s husband to add pleasure and provisions to her life. The lure for the wayward husband is that he can enjoy the immoral seductress secretly! He can have his wife, and in secret, he can have this other woman who doesn’t have expectations for him the way his wife does. With the other woman, he can feel needed and built up without having to face his responsibilities and without accountability.
Consequence of Adultery
Proverbs 6:26, Amplified version:
” For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man].”
The immoral seductress will reduce a wayward husband to a crust of bread!!! She will use him up and suck all of the livelihood out of his soul because although he may think he sought her out, the devil put her in his path!!! She will prey on him and do everything in her might to keep him hooked into her so that she might keep him from his wife!!! When the immoral seductress comes, it is not a coincidence. She was not sent by God!!! The enemy has known that wayward husband’s weariness of his wife and set him up to fall for lust with a woman who he knows will destroy his heart and mess his mind up!
The manna for today is a warning and gives specific guidance concerning the immoral seductress. For a man to say the adultery just happens, is a man that lacks knowledge. God says in Hosea 4:6: ” My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge…”
Genesis 4: grouped verses 6-7 Message version states “… sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.”

Husbands, be informed that adultery doesn’t just happen. It’s a set-up for you by the enemy to lead you to Hell. JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS THERE LOOKING GOOD AND SMELLING RIGHT, TELLING YOU ALL THE RIGHT THINGS DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS RIGHT! DON’T ACT ON YOUR LUST!
It’s not a divine attraction or meeting when the woman of your dreams is not your wife. It’s an excursion to Hell. Stay away from adultery and guard your precious lives from the immoral seductress.
Cassandra Salamone
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#7 and #8: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

The more we are able to identify the abusive characteristics of a person, we stand a chance of avoiding domestic violence. Chances are if a woman knows what abuse looks like, that knowledge just might save her from being in an abusive relationship in the first place. Let’s empower ourselves to learn as much as we can about domestic abuse.

Don’t be a domestic violence statistic. Refuse to be a victim.

Domestic abuse is not about love. It’s about control! It’s not about that person knowing what’s best for you. It’s about him trying to manipulate you so you are too afraid to do what’s best for you, and that is Get Away and Get Help!

Don’t allow yourself to become trapped in his cycle of power and control! Recognize the cycle will never stop once it begins. Once it begins, the abuser will just roll right over you!

Amen!! Abuse is abuse!!! Call it what it is and don’t romanticize it. A man who loves you doesn’t hurt you. A man who loves you will get himself the help he needs and even leave himself to take responsibility of his lack of control and anger issues. He will not allow himself to abuse you!

It’s important to realize that if you are in an abusive marriage or relationship, there are provisions and resources that exist to help you get out of that situation:
*Emotional Support
*Emergency Shelter
*Public Benefits
*Job Assistance
*Children’s Counseling
*Legal Services

It’s important to reach out to politicians and community leaders if you notice there are no shelters in your community to assist domestic violence victims who are fleeing and seeking safety and shelter for themselves and their children. Reach out and advocate. Write letters to your mayor and senators. Be a voice for the voiceless in your community.

If your family member, friend, coworker, or neighbor is in an abusive relationship, you can be a friend to that person. Be there for her and let her know she is not alone. Let her know there are healthy, safe options for her.
If you are a victim, the best way to fight back is to get help for yourself and leave.

Do not ever think that you deserve abuse or that it’s ever your fault!

Men can also advocate for abused as well! Speak up! Don’t stand by and be a witness. Take a stand against  abusive men by not remaining silent.

Cassandra’s Marriage Mints fully supports Domestic Violence Prevention! 

#6: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

Many women stay with their abusers and their silence adds further injury to the insult of domestic violence by contributing emotional issues. Abused women don’t understand their identities in Christ and can end up basing their self-worth upon the abusive partner’s treatment of them.

Some women even believe they are responsible for their husbands’ abusive behavior,  but the truth is: No matter how much a woman changes of herself, her husband will not change until he decides to make a change. 

If you know someone who is experiencing abuse, let her know that you support her. Let her know she is not alone.

Do all that you can, within reason, to help 💗
Cassandra Salamone
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#4: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

This chart shows the cycle of domestic violence and includes the various responses from the victim in each section. I think it’s worth noting that this cycle, like marriage, includes a honeymoon. However, the honeymoon associated with domestic abuse is not a celebration of a lifetime of learning to live as one, but is the calm before the storm. It’s the deceptive peace that precedes the explosion of abuse in whatever form the abuser unleashes it.

Please recognize the signs of abuse and get help!!!

If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship or you know someone who is, do what you can to end the cycle of domestic violence. 
Please know that you are loved and worthy of being respected.

Amen and God bless!

#3: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

(Courtesy: Beauty Cares.)
Many women who end up with an abusive husband never saw it coming. They either did not recognize the warning signs of domestic abuse or their partners never indicated that they had abusive tendencies until the moment they acted out the abuse. That is why it is important for us to learn exactly what those warning signs look like.
The 8 warning signs posted by Beauty Cares clearly represent behaviors that are sinful and may encompass verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse.

It’s highly important that we recognize the warning signs no matter how subtle and innocent they appear to be.

Whether you are married or dating, do not ignore the warning signs. Your life, physical and emotional well-being might be at risk if you do not pay attention. Without understanding what domestic violence or abusive behaviors look like and feel like, it becomes difficult to prevent them from taking place.
Recognizing Warning Signs = Knowledge = Increased Prevention
Thanks for taking time to recognize the signs with me today!
God bless!
Cassandra Salamone
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#2: Domestic Violence Awareness Series

Unlike this graphic portrayal of the Disney character Cinderella,
domestic violence is sadly a very real part of everyday life for many women. The ironic twist is that just as Cinderella’s glass coach reverted to its identity as a pumpkin and her dance with Prince Charming came to a jarring halt as the clock struck twelve, abused women have had their lives and well-being shattered as their husbands/boyfriends transform from being the men who love and adore them to being their worst nightmare.
Maybe you are facing domestic violence in your marriage. If you are, the question to ask is not “When did he stop treating you like a princess?” The important question to ask yourself is “What am I going to do to get my glass slipper back?  Because you lost something when the man you adored transformed! You lost a piece of your identity and you began to run from yourself inside as you faced the reality he began to show you. Back to that important question: you don’t have a fairy godmother. You can turn to God!!! Turn to Jesus and ask Him to make a way for you to find your slipper again: your peace, your joy, your health, your safety and security, the man you love once again!!! Trust Him and take action to get yourself some help and refuge from the abuse until you can safely reconcile with your Prince Charming without fear. Prince Charming needs to treat you like the princess, like the daughter of God that you are.
With love,
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved 2014

Domestic Violence Awareness Series: #1

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I’m working on a blog series to address this serious issue ahead of time. I was reminded several days ago in my private FB group Marriage Mints Cup of Comfort~Wives Café  by a wife who reached out in her distress that domestic violence is an everyday issue for many women that is too often ignored and swept under the rug. Domestic violence is an issue that no one wants to experience, and many find it difficult to spend too much time thinking about because it disturbs their souls. I have fallen into the category of not wanting to think about it or to see images that show the hurtful truth of domestic violence. However, I now feel that as a Christian woman it is my duty and responsibility to be a light, just as Jesus calls us to be (Matt. 5:14).  I want to be a friend at all times, not just during the month of October when I can wear a purple ribbon and neatly pack it away when November begins. I want to be aware of domestic violence every month, so I can be a light of encouragement and support for women in darkness who are being abused–physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally, financially.
Part of being a light is not hiding from darkness or turning a blind eye to it (Matt. 5:15). Being a light means one must expose the darkness. Therefore, because it is important to recognize it for the evil it truly is, everyday I will post a blog as part of this series to address domestic violence and educate other women. No mentally competent woman goes into a relationship with the intentions of being abused. Many simply don’t understand the warning signs of what domestic violence looks like. Domestic violence is as evil and sinister as adultery, and I pray that the series will encourage any of you who may be in an abusive marriage to get the help you need and the strength to get away from it.
Matthew 5:13-16
” 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.
15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

If you do not feel safe in your own home, you need to take the necessary steps to either get away from the abuser or to have the abuser removed from your home by the authorities. If there was a rabid animal in your home, wouldn’t you call animal control to make sure that you didn’t get bitten? A violent or abusive person is like a diseased animal because they lack self-control and, if permitted, will inflict their rabid anger upon you.
No woman should have to live in fear under the tyrannical, intimidation of her husband, or any man, for that matter! Husbands are commanded by God to love and cherish their wives (Eph. 5:25). Wives need to understand that we are not commanded by God to submit to sin. Galatians 5:1 says: ” For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” I know this verse in its context is speaking about remaining free from a bondage of sin in Christ Jesus. I believe it can apply to this situation involving wives not submitting to sin of domestic violence.  Domestic violence is very much like a yoke of slavery or bondage as the abuser attempts to control their victim. A yoke is cumbersome and placed upon the shoulders of animals in order to control them. An abusive relationship can become like a yoke around the shoulders and neck of the one being abused. No one should have to bear up under the weight of another person’s anger and control issues. In Christ, we are free! Don’t allow yourself to be enslaved again! Amen!!!
Domestic violence is sin of wrath and has sadly ended in the murder of the abused victims, in plenty of cases. Therefore, if you feel your life or well-being are in danger, dial 911 and immediately take precautions to protect yourself!
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved. 2014

Lies Destroy Your Foundation of Trust

Lies are like mold, and trying to rebuild your marriage on a foundation of lies and lack of integrity or past deceit is like laying down new tile atop moldy wooden floors. Lies destroy a marriage’s foundation of trust because just like mold, if the lies are not dismantled or treated (addressed) immediately, the one who has been betrayed will generally not trust their spouse from that point on. If they are not addressed and cleared up each time the mold resurfaces or questions arise, the foundation of trust will crumble to pieces. Lies and past deceit have to be eliminated!  Integrity must be reestablished as your foundation with solid reassurances and new behaviors to support your reassurances before you can proceed in renovating your marriage or it will rot from the foundation~ inside-out ~ due to lack of trust! Then, you will have to strip off the new tile to go back and address those old floors underneath. In these extreme cases, the unsalvageable floor has to destroyed and a new floor has to be built in its place. That means, the spouse who created the doubt, the mold, must replace the conduct that is impeding the progression of their marriage restoration and install new, Spirit-led behaviors for a sound, secure foundation of trust!  Better to take care of trust issues immediately so you don’t have to keep going back and addressing the old stuff that’s hidden and simply covered up. Amen!
~Cassandra ♡
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Will It Be the Gnat or the Camel?

I remember a time when I was so focused on all sorts of little things that I was bothered by concerning my husband. I would often give voice to them: “When’s the last time you wrote me a poem?” “Why don’t you want to sit with me and talk with me for hours like we did when we first met?” I can go on and on. How about you? Do you find yourself making a big deal out of so many small things? We can call them gnats because gnats are so tiny but can make a big impact on our peace. Gnats are bothersome and can quickly gather in swarms to overwhelm us.
When my husband and I first married each other, I found myself being overwhelmed rather suddenly by the multitude of trivial offenses and complaints that I had swarmed against him.  They were such small matters and yet I would sift through his conduct and who he is as my husband and try to set all of those irritations apart to justify my own rebellious ways. God allowed me to drink my own water–my own foolishness–for quite some time. Take a look at these verses and the commentary that follows to see if something within you lights up with recognition,
Matthew 23:23-24 ~ ” “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.”
Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary*~
“24. Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat—The proper rendering—as in the older English translations, and perhaps our own as it came from the translators’ hands—evidently is, “strain out.” It was the custom, says Trench, of the stricter Jews to strain their wine, vinegar, and other potables through linen or gauze, lest unawares they should drink down some little unclean insect therein and thus transgress (Le 11:20, 23, 41, 42)—just as the Buddhists do now in Ceylon and Hindustan—and to this custom of theirs our Lord here refers…and swallow a camel—the largest animal the Jews knew, as the “gnat” was the smallest; both were by the law unclean.”
When I read these verses this morning, I was reminded of how often I strained the gnats in favor of the camel. You might wonder what the camel was that I was swallowing in place of the gnats! The camel was my own sin!! I was swallowing the camel which was my own refusal to submit to God and to my husband. That was a far weightier and serious issue than for me to look for faults in my husband and to strain them to God in my prayers.  God turned my eyes to myself! Made me look at what I was really drinking! The verse that He corrected me with is Luke 6:41-42~ ” Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 42″Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” I was using a faulty strainer! Instead of focusing on my husband’s conduct, I needed to clean up my own! God is good!!! He delivered me from straining the gnats in favor of swallowing the camels. I’m not saying we are to ignore the small things, but pray and ask God to reveal what the bigger issue at hand really is. Let Him be the strainer! Pray this blesses you ♡
Cassandra~
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Being a Meek Wife (*w/Prayer)

I greatly admire women who are inherently meek by nature. They speak softly, have an air of perpetual peace about them wherever they go, no matter what is going on. It is rare to see them angry, and they generally seem unperturbed by what others say or do that might cause any other woman to feel irritable. In order to avoid making my admiration for meek women an idol in my heart, I have had to take an honest look at myself and seek God’s heart on this by praying and reading His Word.
Meekness is often mistaken for weakness. Many of us wives have been brought up without having examples of women in our lives who were meek. Many of us were brought up in single-parent homes where we watched our mothers struggle to make ends meet. I know was, and I witnessed my mother endure domestic violence for many many years from a boyfriend she had after she and my father separated. We lived in housing projects for those years, and it was during my teenage years that I’d made up my mind that I would never be a doormat for any man. I decided, then, that no man would ever rule over me, and in all of my witnessing of my mother being verbally cut down while she was soft-spoken to her abusive boyfriend, I cultivated loudness, brashness, and a goal to always have the last word. I developed an art to cutting others down with the words I spoke to them. I determined that I would always be in control.
As you can figure, I carried these attitudes and habits into my adult years, and when I became a wife, they surely did not bode well for my marriage! No man wants to have to struggle for leadership of his household. My husband and I–even in our dating years–wrestled with that. I didn’t know that I was doing anything wrong. I was doing what I’d taught myself those years ago. I was using survival instincts because I was afraid that if I submitted and was meek, my husband might abuse his authority to try and hurt me. I equated meekness with weakness that leads to pain. I PRAISE GOD for He delivers us from all of our troubles, and He surely saw that I needed deliverance from my troubled ways of thinking and conducting myself!!! He began to bring women into my life who are meek and yet are not abused by their husbands. That was new to me. I began to see that their meekness wasn’t weakness. Their strength is God’s strength! Their meekness is demonstrating strength under control of God without undue harshness.  Their peace and self control comes from the Lord.
I began to desire meekness for myself. I knew my husband was yearning for peace that he could not find in me because I was lacking meekness. I was lacking peace. I was pretty hard on myself privately but I learned that sometimes deliverance is a process. I’ve accepted that I am a wife whose quiet, gentle nature was not left unscathed by my past. I realize that I allowed what I witnessed in my past to harden me. I knew somewhere deep down inside there was still a beautiful spirit that God prizes as in 1 Peter 3:4 “but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
I believe that God allows it to be a thorn in my side just as Paul describes in the Bible, so that I have to turn to Him and understand I am not in control.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ” Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I cannot be a meek woman in my own power! I had to be strong for so many years in my childhood, but I can let all that go now because God wants to be my strength!! I don’t need to be strong in those ways that I’d taught myself to be. There was a season and purpose for that strength but it doesn’t serve my husband or my walk with God!! And so I submit and lean on the Lord to help me be the wife with a beautiful spirit that He cherishes and my husband loves. I see that what served as strength in my past has no purpose in this season and is now a weakness. Therefore, I choose to let God be my strength. I am happy to say that I am too counted as one of the meek women. I rely on God to be my strength because when I am not meek, I am weak to the conditionings of my flesh. I need His help daily to stay in His peace so that I can be a source of peace for my husband and children.
Please feel free to pray this for yourself if you need help being a meek wife. ❤
♡ Prayer ♡
Lord, I commend to you myself, all of my attitudes, my habits, my thoughts,  my heart, all of me. Lord, if there is any way in me that hinders me from being a meek, submitted wife, please show me and deliver me from it. I want to be a source of peace for my husband not a battlefield he must exert himself against to be the head as you have purposed him to be. I thank You in advance for being my strength and where there seems to be no gentleness, You help me draw it out. Thank You Lord and may I exemplify meekness so my daughters and other wives may taste and sed that following Your will is good and not to hurt us. Your grace is sufficient! Thank You for blessing me with my husband and children. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Cassandra Salamone ♡
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