Sexual Estrangement

A situation many married couples face is estrangement in their marital beds. I want to address it from a biblical standpoint with this scenario:
Scenario~> Wife notices her husband is only nice to her when he wants to have sex. He’s been disrespectful and stays out with his buddies when he’s not working. She feels neglected and does not believe she should have sex with him.
Biblical Approach to Scenario:
1Corinthians 7:5 ” Do not refuse and depriveand defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.”
It’s hard for us as women to separate our emotions from sex. It’s an emotional act for us and when we are not feeling up to it/ in the mood or we feel upset bc our husbands have made us angry or not treating us right, sex is the furthest thing from our minds. But God is on to something! He has the answer for every situation and the aforementioned verse gives us His unfailing wisdom. God knows that if a husband and wife don’t have sex with each other as a habit or out of an intentional withholding pattern, the devil will cause temptation to come along to tempt one or both spouses. That temptation could show up in the form of adultery or cause them to sexually divorce one another by becoming sexually independent and reliant upon themselves via masturbation, pornography, reading erotic literature. God created us and knows we are wired differently. Men don’t necessarily connect their emotions to sex. They need to have sex to release stress. However, even if a man and his wife aren’t connecting on an emotional level, sex can become  the bridge that keeps them spiritually connected. Sex is manifesting in the natural realm their one flesh unity that exists in the spiritual realm as husband and wife. 
Now as far as the disrespect and neglect goes, sex is to be separate from issues because sex is not a reward for good behavior and not to be used as punishment for unpleasant behavior –unless it’s adultery. In the case of adultery, you should protect your health and take necessary precautions to prevent infection from sexually transmitted diseases. You would want to make biblical appeals to your husband regarding his neglectful and disrespectful behavior. The enemy creates division by deceiving us into believing that everything must be all good before we can engage in sex with our spouses. He starts in the marriage bed and deceives us by whispering to us to withhold sex and affection because we have some marriage issues. We have to address those issues, but we cannot allow them to hold us hostage and in bondage from undressing for sexual intimacy with our husbands. Another great verse of wisdom is God’s admonishment in 1 Corinthians 7:4 which says: ” The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
In marriage, we have no authority to say to our spouses that they lack authority to have sexual intercourse with us. We are one- flesh with our husbands and it applies to them, as well.
When problems arise in your marriage, remember that you cannot necessarily solve them between the sheets with your spouse. You can, however, by maintaining a healthy sex life, create an atmosphere where understandings can be reached.
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved 2014.

The Prodigal Wife

God has laid His hand upon my heart regarding the prodigal wife.  When separations occur in marriage, I believe it is almost considered to be a natural assumption that the husband has left or abandoned his wife. I was brought face to face with this assumption when I posted about the prodigal husband’s need to return home and resume his duties as the head.  A married man commented and shared his desire for his wife, a prodigal, to return home to him. I was floored with compassion and empathy for him as I reflected on how he must have been feeling.
When a wife leaves her marriage, it creates a dynamic that makes quite an impact because her role is generally seen as being the homemaker or keeper of the home. A wife usually manages her household affairs and is the glue that holds the family together. It’s an unusual occurrence when a wife leaves her marriage behind, but it is a reality and the truth is that I was once a prodigal wife in my heart if not in deed. As I came to grips with my empathy for the follower who was at a loss due to his wife being a prodigal, God shined His light in my heart and caused me to remember when I almost became a prodigal wife. He has laid it on my heart to share my brief testimony.
When I Almost Walked Away
The moment I decidedly and determinedly packed my suitcases and planned to leave my husband, the R. Kelly song that says: “…When a woman’s fed up, no matter how you beg! No matter how you beg. No! There ain’t nothing you can do about it!”
Those lyrics would have been blaring loudly from my heart if it was equipped with speakers. I had planned to leave, simply because I was fed up. I had reached a breaking point instead of the breakthrough I prayed for. I’d given up on my husband. There were things I’d hoped he would change, but I was the only one changing as a result of those expectations. I had become bitter. And in the heat of my resentment, which I felt justified my striving, I detached myself from loving him.
I was without understanding that I wasn’t just giving up on my husband. I’d also given up on God! I used my emotions as my compass and allowed them to guide me to leave my husband in my heart. Although I physically did not leave, I’d checked out of my marriage emotionally. I should have stood firm and trusted in God’s promises, but I was more concerned with being right and wanting things to change in my own timing. I was tired of waiting on God to change my husband, so I left in my heart. It was like my marriage had become an event I’d paid for and I’d become sick and tired of my husband’s performance. With a grumbling heart, I had expressed in many prayers that I did not sign up for that and that I was not getting what I “paid” for. I believed that I’d invested my all into a marriage that was not living up to my expectations.
God had news for me!!! He convicted me that my husband’s performance is HIS business, not mine. I was supposed to keep my eyes on Him with hopeful expectation of HIS performance!
” so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11).
I was trusting in my own understanding instead of trusting and obeying God in how I did not submit to my husband. God showed me that the attitude of my heart was sinful. It was haughty because I was stiff-necked in my belief that I was right. I sinfully believed that just because I’d picked out some things my husband wasn’t doing right, I could just disrespect him and not show him love by refusing to submit and by hardening my heart against him. God says in His Word 2 Chronicles 7:14: “if My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
I had to humble myself before God and repent!!! Once I confessed my sins to God and sought His help in turning from my wicked ways, He began to hear my prayers I had prayed. God is faithful!!! He began to answer a lot of prayers I’d forgotten about simply because I’d given up hope. He worked many miracles in my marriage. Some were big and some were small, but each breakthrough had God’s stamp on it that He’d heard me and that He does His will in His own way. He began to heal my land. He began to heal my marriage.
God has taught me that my marriage is not an event I showed up for. It’s not a performance for me. It’s what He’s doing inside of me and my husband so that we show off HIS glory and performance so that we are sanctified and we may KNOW HIM. Now when I think of the “ticket” I “paid” for to get into my marriage, what once read:
“1 Admitted “ now reads:
“1 Committed”.
I’m all in whether the performance is to my liking or not. Glory to God / Amen!!!
If you are a prodigal wife or if you have considered leaving your marriage– unless it is because of abuse or some other situation that may harm you/your children– I suggest you seek God and allow Him to guide you before you strike out. The reason why you may want to leave could be what God is using to sanctify you if you let Him. God bless❤
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved. 2014

Marriage Manna: Immoral Seductresses

Today’s Marriage Manna takes an up-close look at the dirty facts about the immoral seductress and the fate of the man who falls for an adulterous lifestyle. Sometimes things look and feel better when they are enjoyed in the dark–in secret. That is one of the deceptive appeals of adultery, but we have God’s Word to shed a bright light on this lie so we may understand exactly how unappealing and destructive adultery truly is.
Read on in Proverbs 5:1-6 the Message version:
” Dear friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen very closely to the way I see it.
Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense; what I tell you will keep you out of trouble.
^3-6 The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth.
But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.
She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death; she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her.
She hasn’t a clue about Real Life,
about who she is or where she’s going.”
God warns that the immoral seductress knows exactly what to say to satisfy a man’s ego. She knows what to say to make him feel good! Like he can do no wrong! If he goes on in adultery with her. If he cheats, after a time, he will regret knowing her. He won’t even want to speak her name and she will make him sick to his stomach! She will bruise his heart and cause it to be a confused tangled mess of emotions. She’s dancing and seems like she knows who she is and where she is going in life, but she has no clue! The only place she’s leading the poor fool who dances with her in the dark is to Hell!!!
In verses grouped 7-14, Proverbs continues:
“So, my friend, listen closely;
don’t treat my words casually.
Keep your distance from such a woman; absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don’t want to squander your wonderful life, to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.”
Stay away from any woman who wants form an intimate relationship with you, men!!! Don’t go into neighborhood, not even a step or to drive through! Why waste your life on someone so hard of heart that she doesn’t even care about your other hall’s feelings–your wife’s? Any woman with a good heart doesn’t want to make another woman’s heart hurt by wrecking her marriage!

Proverbs has an abundance of manna concerning cheating, but one thing that strikes me the most is a deceptive lure of adultery and the consequence for the man who falls for that lure and into sin.

Lure of Adultery
Proverbs 9:17:
” “Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!” ”
The lure for the immoral seductress is that in her own lack, she can steal someone else’s husband to add pleasure and provisions to her life. The lure for the wayward husband is that he can enjoy the immoral seductress secretly! He can have his wife, and in secret, he can have this other woman who doesn’t have expectations for him the way his wife does. With the other woman, he can feel needed and built up without having to face his responsibilities and without accountability.
Consequence of Adultery
Proverbs 6:26, Amplified version:
” For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man].”
The immoral seductress will reduce a wayward husband to a crust of bread!!! She will use him up and suck all of the livelihood out of his soul because although he may think he sought her out, the devil put her in his path!!! She will prey on him and do everything in her might to keep him hooked into her so that she might keep him from his wife!!! When the immoral seductress comes, it is not a coincidence. She was not sent by God!!! The enemy has known that wayward husband’s weariness of his wife and set him up to fall for lust with a woman who he knows will destroy his heart and mess his mind up!
The manna for today is a warning and gives specific guidance concerning the immoral seductress. For a man to say the adultery just happens, is a man that lacks knowledge. God says in Hosea 4:6: ” My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge…”
Genesis 4: grouped verses 6-7 Message version states “… sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.”

Husbands, be informed that adultery doesn’t just happen. It’s a set-up for you by the enemy to lead you to Hell. JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS THERE LOOKING GOOD AND SMELLING RIGHT, TELLING YOU ALL THE RIGHT THINGS DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS RIGHT! DON’T ACT ON YOUR LUST!
It’s not a divine attraction or meeting when the woman of your dreams is not your wife. It’s an excursion to Hell. Stay away from adultery and guard your precious lives from the immoral seductress.
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved.

Daily Marriage Manna

This is quite a romantic scene! What husband or wife wouldn’t want to have a moment together like this to clasp hands, draw close to each other, and gaze at the stars together with the snow falling all around them? Unfortunately, many married couples are not experiencing a season such as this one but they are in a wintry, dark season in their marriage. Bitter, cold problems are faling upon their situations and they’re gazing up at the heavens for manna– for God’s wisdom and help to fall from the heavens. They’re clasping on to a hope for brighter days with their spouses. The good news is that God supplies us with fresh manna that can be found in His Word everyday.
Psalms 78:24-25~
“He rained down manna upon them to eat And gave them food from heaven. Man did eat the bread of angels; He sent them food in abundance. “
Unlike the manna God provided the Israelites in the desert, His Word does not spoil or expire in freshness. Unlike the snow, God’s Word is available to us in every season.
Today’s Fresh Manna comes from 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 NIV:
” To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹ But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.¹⁶ How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”

Let’s try the Manna for the day in a different flavor in the Message version 1 Corinthians 7:10-16:

” ^10-11 And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.
^12-14 For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.
^15-16 On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.” 
In these verses, we discover many nuggets of wisdom for couples in unequally yoked marriages and for those who may be considering divorce. If you are in any of these predicaments, I pray you find hope and encouragement in today’s Manna.
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved.

Oneness

Mutual submission in marriage  creates oneness. If that can occur, there is a melting that occurs where the husband’s desires and the wife’s desires will reach a point of compromise as they accommodate each other. They might slam against one another like two glaciers. The pull and push of their agendas will yield as  they surrender out of love, and compromise will melt away any elements that might polarize or pit them against one another–damaging one another.
Mutual submission is oneness, is unity, is love. It’s when two can come together as one so they don’t destroy one another.
Cassandra Salamone. © 2014

#10 & #11: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

Please get help if you are in an abusive marriage or relationship! Please view the pics and God bless!

#9: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

Today’s post is a very comprehensive collection of photos that explores what survivors of domestic abuse have to say and also provides encouragement to support victims who are afraid to get help. It’s not October yet, but it’s always the right time to learn about domestic violence prevention. Be blessed, safe, informed, and thank you for joining me in this Domestic Violence Awareness Series!

If you’re a domestic violence survivor, don’t be ashamed. Be empowered to share your testimony with others. Your story just may help free someone else.

The following photos share the words of some women who overcame domestic abuse.

One of the weapons wielded  against victims is the lie that they have no options–that she has to stay with their abuser.
If you see or hear domestic violence occurring, do not remain silent. If you do not wish to confront the abuser, call the police.

Many women who are in abusive relationships find it difficult to leave. However, leaving is key to their safety!

It is possible to leave and overcome the abuse! You do not have to stay and suffer in silence!

Recognize the abuse. Report it. Prevent it.

Praying in agreement in Jesus’s name against domestic violence in relationships and marriages. Amen💗
Please get involved in the fight against domestic violence. Visit
http://purplepurse.com and support the Pass the Purse campaign to raise awareness of domestic violence, help domestic violence survivors, and stop the cycle abuse!

Kerry Washington is the ambassador for the Purple Purse campaign and is carrying the purple purse that you can enter to win.

Visit the website for more details. Get involved ☺
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved.  2014.

#7 and #8: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

The more we are able to identify the abusive characteristics of a person, we stand a chance of avoiding domestic violence. Chances are if a woman knows what abuse looks like, that knowledge just might save her from being in an abusive relationship in the first place. Let’s empower ourselves to learn as much as we can about domestic abuse.

Don’t be a domestic violence statistic. Refuse to be a victim.

Domestic abuse is not about love. It’s about control! It’s not about that person knowing what’s best for you. It’s about him trying to manipulate you so you are too afraid to do what’s best for you, and that is Get Away and Get Help!

Don’t allow yourself to become trapped in his cycle of power and control! Recognize the cycle will never stop once it begins. Once it begins, the abuser will just roll right over you!

Amen!! Abuse is abuse!!! Call it what it is and don’t romanticize it. A man who loves you doesn’t hurt you. A man who loves you will get himself the help he needs and even leave himself to take responsibility of his lack of control and anger issues. He will not allow himself to abuse you!

It’s important to realize that if you are in an abusive marriage or relationship, there are provisions and resources that exist to help you get out of that situation:
*Emotional Support
*Emergency Shelter
*Public Benefits
*Job Assistance
*Children’s Counseling
*Legal Services

It’s important to reach out to politicians and community leaders if you notice there are no shelters in your community to assist domestic violence victims who are fleeing and seeking safety and shelter for themselves and their children. Reach out and advocate. Write letters to your mayor and senators. Be a voice for the voiceless in your community.

If your family member, friend, coworker, or neighbor is in an abusive relationship, you can be a friend to that person. Be there for her and let her know she is not alone. Let her know there are healthy, safe options for her.
If you are a victim, the best way to fight back is to get help for yourself and leave.

Do not ever think that you deserve abuse or that it’s ever your fault!

Men can also advocate for abused as well! Speak up! Don’t stand by and be a witness. Take a stand against  abusive men by not remaining silent.

Cassandra’s Marriage Mints fully supports Domestic Violence Prevention! 

#6: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

Many women stay with their abusers and their silence adds further injury to the insult of domestic violence by contributing emotional issues. Abused women don’t understand their identities in Christ and can end up basing their self-worth upon the abusive partner’s treatment of them.

Some women even believe they are responsible for their husbands’ abusive behavior,  but the truth is: No matter how much a woman changes of herself, her husband will not change until he decides to make a change. 

If you know someone who is experiencing abuse, let her know that you support her. Let her know she is not alone.

Do all that you can, within reason, to help 💗
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved.

#4: Domestic Violence Awareness Blog Series

This chart shows the cycle of domestic violence and includes the various responses from the victim in each section. I think it’s worth noting that this cycle, like marriage, includes a honeymoon. However, the honeymoon associated with domestic abuse is not a celebration of a lifetime of learning to live as one, but is the calm before the storm. It’s the deceptive peace that precedes the explosion of abuse in whatever form the abuser unleashes it.

Please recognize the signs of abuse and get help!!!

If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship or you know someone who is, do what you can to end the cycle of domestic violence. 
Please know that you are loved and worthy of being respected.

Amen and God bless!