*Pic:My husband just got baptized stood behind me preparing to baptize me.*
This was originally written in 2012 when I began my stand for my marriage except for the update at the end. ~
My husband and I have been together since 2005 but married two years and 5.75 months. We share 4 children together–a full house! Right from the start of our relationship, we developed a deep love for one another, but our foundation was cracked. We knew when we said our marriage vows that we were building our house–our marriage– on a foundation that was cracked by selfishness, pride, resentments, and distrust.
My husband wanted to postpone our marriage. I felt a push in my spirit from God to make certain we did not delay, so we proceeded with His building plans (our marriage) in spite of our shoddy relationship. I went into our marriage with one focus: to change my husband into the man I thought he should be. My husband has told me that he went into our marriage with the desire to escape it even though he loved me and wanted to do the right thing by God.
The first year of our marriage was like hell on earth because we didn’t know that in order for a marriage to be a taste of heaven on earth, we would have to invite God into our marriage and follow His expectations, which He outlines in Ephesians 5:22-33. After about a year of my husband coming home late at night and discovering his internet indiscretions, I was all cried out, nagged out, depressed out, and angered out. I was depleted emotionally.
One night, I cried out to God: “What am I supposed to do now? I did what you wanted me to do, and he doesn’t love me and doesn’t even want to be a husband.” God heard my cries. He crossed my paths with a Titus 2 sister im Christ and He used her online Bible study of Martha Peace’s book “The Excellent Wife” to break through to me what His expectations are for me as a wife.
God taught me to worship Him as God, instead of idolizing my husband. He prepared me for the months ahead. My understanding, peace, and joy increased although my husband was hanging out later and for lengthier time-frames.We ended up separating for almost two and-a-half months. We would get together so that he could spend time with our children. At first, our connection was very distant and impersonal but I believed God would change that. I kept praying, digging in His Word for footing so I could stand for my marriage. I started doing the things that gave me happiness like getting my hair done and wearing makeup. My husband noticed but even more importantly God touched his heart and began to remind him of his love for me.
One day, I was confronted online by a young lady when I commented on my husband’s post which had tagged one of my friends in it. I knew it was only God that I saw it because he and I were not friends on Facebook. I felt a push in my spirit to let it be known that I should have been the woman to be recognized first as a great woman in that post. A few minutes after I commented, an unknown woman commented that I should ask my husband who she was to him. She was belligerent and told me that my husband was unfaithful. I called him up and asked him, but before I did, the Holy Spirit gave me self control and compassion for her. I thought to myself that she was in an even worse predicament than I was in. I let her know I was not going to argue with her because my husband had lied and cheated on me but that she deserved better than to settle for a man who has a wife because God had better plans for her. I told her that the same way she had him–by him cheating–would be the same way he’d cheat on her to come back to me because there’s no way I was leaving my husband!
I called my husband. He confessed, and I felt the beginnings of my wrath and pain sprout bitter roots. But it was as if God had immediately grabbed the sprouts of anger and severed their heads! He shielded me from feeling that pain and reminded me that it was not about me, but about my husband’s salvation. His adultery revealed the spiritual decay that the devil was using to paralyze and debilitating his spiritual walk. God’s Holy Spirit poured so much compassion for my husband’s soul into my heart. I saw my husband’s sins fade and I began to see his pain and the unfulfilled places in his heart. I began to truly see how much he needed Jesus to heal him and give him direction.
BUT GOD!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!
God set me apart!!! From the pain and misery and dejection! I forgave him and showed him the love of Christ. We called the other woman together but could not reach her. I kept feeling in my spirit that I needed to personally close the door to the other woman.
I contacted her on my own by telephone and ministered to her about Jesus and the spiritual ramifications of her actions. I confirmed things with her thaty husband had shared with me concerning their relationship and closed the door to that chapter with her assurance that she would never try to contact him nor would she see him ever again. She told me she wished she had never met my husband but had met me instead and said she would seek a church to join. God also revealed He was answering my prayers to hedge her out of my husband’s paths by her disclosing that she was moving even farther away. While I was speaking with her, my husband walked in on the conversation and I knew he regretted her.
Following all of this, my husband and I met with our marriage counselor, who is also a minister at our church and she prayed with us. She led us both to the altar where we had said our marriage vows and my husband cried, confessed, repented, and prayed aloud to God as he recommitted himself to our marriage covenant. It was a humbling experience to hear my husband’s brokenness and his doubtsand fears shared with God. I realized that my husband was hurting in many ways and needed Jesus. His seeking approval from other women was just a symptom of a bigger issue surrounding His need to give his life to Jesus so he could understand his identity in Him. It humbled me to know that God was giving me a front row seat to see the pain my husband was in and that he is only a man in need of Him. I didn’t commit adultery, but I had sinned too. I needed to repent of stubbornness and other attitudes and conduct not of God that had disrespected my husband and contributed to our marriage problems. I cried with him and thanked God for saving our marriage.
God restored what the canker-worm had devoured!!! He broke up the fallow soil in our hearts and planted His divine seed–Christ!!! We are both submitting unto Him. My husband prays for me now, prays for our children! He is faithful and interested in my prayer-life more than whether I put on his favorite dress! My husband who used to hate reading is now reading a devotional to me on his own accord! It is all because of God!!!!! It is all because of Him and without Him our marriage would still be broken and sinking to the depths of the storm waters. God restored my marriage, and He can restore your marriage too! Seek Him; read His Word; pray; and lean unto Him– not your understanding as you wait and listen for His guidance.
Update: My husband decided to get baptized on April 19, 2015! It was such a special day because he baptized me and all three of our sons!!!! Afterward, he prayed over our family and I felt the Holy Spirit sealed upon us. You may be married to an unbeliever but don’t give up hope! Year after year went by andy husband would be too busy to go to the community baptisms at our church, but God put His desire in his heart for my husband to be His son. Keep praying! Keep standing! Keep making Jesus your hope!!! There may be times when you feel like you can’t go on standing; but just know that when you can’t GOD CAN! God wants your marriage to glorify Him. Nothing is impossible for God!
“For your Maker is your husband– the LORD Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. 6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit– a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. 7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. 8 In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the LORD your Redeemer. 9 “To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. 10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”
May God bless you!
Cassandra Salamone. All rights reserved. Cassandra’s Marriage Mints