Sexual Estrangement


A situation many married couples face is estrangement in their marital beds. I want to address it from a biblical standpoint with this scenario:
Scenario~> Wife notices her husband is only nice to her when he wants to have sex. He’s been disrespectful and stays out with his buddies when he’s not working. She feels neglected and does not believe she should have sex with him.
Biblical Approach to Scenario:
1Corinthians 7:5 ” Do not refuse and depriveand defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.
It’s hard for us as women to separate our emotions from sex. It’s an emotional act for us and when we are not feeling up to it/ in the mood or we feel upset bc our husbands have made us angry or not treating us right, sex is the furthest thing from our minds. But God is on to something! He has the answer for every situation and the aforementioned verse gives us His unfailing wisdom. God knows that if a husband and wife don’t have sex with each other as a habit or out of an intentional withholding pattern, the devil will cause temptation to come along to tempt one or both spouses. That temptation could show up in the form of adultery or cause them to sexually divorce one another by becoming sexually independent and reliant upon themselves via masturbation, pornography, reading erotic literature. God created us and knows we are wired differently. Men don’t necessarily connect their emotions to sex. They need to have sex to release stress. However, even if a man and his wife aren’t connecting on an emotional level, sex can become  the bridge that keeps them spiritually connected. Sex is manifesting in the natural realm their one flesh unity that exists in the spiritual realm as husband and wife. 
Now as far as the disrespect and neglect goes, sex is to be separate from issues because sex is not a reward for good behavior and not to be used as punishment for unpleasant behavior –unless it’s adultery. In the case of adultery, you should protect your health and take necessary precautions to prevent infection from sexually transmitted diseases. You would want to make biblical appeals to your husband regarding his neglectful and disrespectful behavior. The enemy creates division by deceiving us into believing that everything must be all good before we can engage in sex with our spouses. He starts in the marriage bed and deceives us by whispering to us to withhold sex and affection because we have some marriage issues. We have to address those issues, but we cannot allow them to hold us hostage and in bondage from undressing for sexual intimacy with our husbands. Another great verse of wisdom is God’s admonishment in 1 Corinthians 7:4 which says: ” The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
In marriage, we have no authority to say to our spouses that they lack authority to have sexual intercourse with us. We are one- flesh with our husbands and it applies to them, as well.
When problems arise in your marriage, remember that you cannot necessarily solve them between the sheets with your spouse. You can, however, by maintaining a healthy sex life, create an atmosphere where understandings can be reached.
Cassandra Salamone
All rights reserved 2014.

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