Reflections of a Wife


This week has been an interesting week, to say the least. Every morning around 5:00, I have awakened feeling rested and expectant. My spirit feels open to hearing from the Lord. I wake up with such peace as I enjoy the golden light from the sunrise landing softly on my pillow and sleeping husband’s face.
Monday morning, God woke me up and I felt led to read from Stormie Omartian’s “The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage”. My bookmark started me off on a chapter titled “If Hardness of Heart Causes Love to Die”. I thought to myself, “Lord, I don’t need to read this. I burst out in tears at the littlest things lately. My love is not dead.” Nothing but birds chirping and silence in my spirit, so I began to read.  I tell you that as I read, God began to open my heart– just as He does when I’m reading His Word and He reveals something new to me or makes things clearer so I understand. I knew that as I read with the motive of praying for my husband, God was turning the tables.
It was as if He allowed me to see a mirror within my heart. What He reflected back to me was something I did not want to see. I looked anyway because I have been praying lately that God would show me what was in my heart that He hated. It was hidden pride. I’d made excuses and even given it other names but what God was showing me was that those hidden caves in my heart did not hide love but hid pride instead. The pride was causing my heart to be hardened against my husband in little ways–random moments of miscommunication at a time. By not acknowledging my pride, the enemy was still enjoying those victories in my marriage because he knew that when an old issue raised its head and my husband and I yet could not reach an understanding, I would stuff away bitter resentment.
Out of pride, I had wrongly handled things my way in how I treated my husband; but I didn’t understand that as I hardened my heart against him, I was also hardening it against God. God’s Holy Spirit does not abide in pride but in love. Love doesn’t hold on to the past. In my pride, there were still things in our marriage that I believed would stay the same forever. God loves to shatter our expectations especially when we don’t fully believe in Him because He’s so amazing like that! He wants us to believe and will help us. Last week, my husband did several things that struck me as being answered prayers, but instead of fully believing and praising God, I was quietly cynical. To not believe fully trust in God is a form of pride. I confessed the revealed pride and repented of it. I prayed that God will keep my heart soft and keep showing me what I need to change inside of me. I prayed for His help because I cannot do it on my own. I am thankful for such a loving Father. He corrects His children because He loves them.
There is a seashell framed mirror in the shape of a heart that hangs above my bed. It’s a lovely gift my husband bought me when we first met. I never knew that God would use him and my love for him as a mirror to reflect to me hidden sin in my heart as a means of sanctifying me. I praise God for the revelations He has given me about myself and the blessing of my husband!!! He has given me a new start to better serve and honor Him and my husband.  ♥
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