I experienced a season of loneliness and heartache for many months prior to my husband’s confession that he had committed adultery. It was during that season that the Lord strengthened me and prepared me so I was able to respond biblically to my husband’s sin instead of reacting in the flesh. During that time, the Lord drew me near to him and shielded me from accessing the fullness of the grief and devastation that accompanies news of adultery.
The clichè that “a woman should be so hidden in God, a man will have to go through God before he can reach her” could have been affixed on the back of my driver’s license. The “old Cassandra” had moved for sure because the “new,saved Cassandra breathed, ate, drank, and lived Jesus”. All I talked about was God and the Scriptures I read, and my only interest was in reading my Bible or attending our church. My husband seemed to grow more emotionally distant as I fell deeper in love with Jesus everyday. He stayed out later and later and would remain gone for hours, although he was unemployed at the time. I would beg him to stay home and spend time with me; but when he did, we didn’t have much to talk about. Our relationship grew colder and increasingly fragile. I was sullen and my heart was breaking because I wasn’t in love with my husband; and I knew he was not in love with me. I knew he was interested in other women because the computer does not lie. Inappropriate connections via Facebook and flirtations revealed my husband’s wandering heart.
God switched my focus from what my husband was/wasn’t doing to my own conduct and walk with Him. His Holy Spirit awakened revelations and understanding in my heart as to my own accountability. I had some confessing and repenting of my own to do. God showed me that I was in rebellion, although it was of a different sort. I had many excuses as to why my husband did not deserve my respect. All invalid! I had expressed conditional love to my husband and talked about what God’s Word says about husbands ’til I was blue in the face that I’d driven a wedge between us. For so long, I’d been holding my breath and waiting for a transformation that was sheer fantasy and unrealistic thinking. Then, I got the word from God that I could breathe again. So I did; and I took slow breaths as I began to focus on myself one day at a time. He sent a Titus 2 woman my way who’s been married 30+ years and as she led me and several other wives in a Bible study based on Marta Peace’s “The Excellent Wife”, understanding opened inside of my heart. The biggest conviction I received from The Lord was in the book of Matthew:
Matthew 7:3-5 ““Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
It stung; but it was a healing sting and it opened the doors in my heart to forgiveness months in advance before I even had to forgive my husband’s adultery.
I wanted to share my testimony to encourage you that God will help you make it through anything in your marriage. Look to Him and His Word. This passage below is what God spoke into my heart one tear-ravaged night during that troublesome time of brokenness. I asked God, “What did I do to deserve this? All I want to do is to be a good wife and mother. I can’t fix this!”
I flipped through my Bible and He said:
54 “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says theLord.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
and your offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.
4 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6 For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
7 For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
8 In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer.
9 “This is like the days of Noah to me:
as I swore that the waters of Noah
should no more go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,
and will not rebuke you.
10 For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
11 “O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,
behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of agate,
your gates of carbuncles,
and all your wall of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the peace of your children.
14 In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 If anyone stirs up strife,
it is not from me;
whoever stirs up strife with you
shall fall because of you.
16 Behold, I have created the smith
who blows the fire of coals
and produces a weapon for its purpose.
I have also created the ravager to destroy;
17 no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”
The Lord restores marriages! He restores hope and purpose!!! Just trust Him!!! Be Blessed!!!!